Moving Forward.

Everyone always wants to have that one reality check that makes you take a step back and realize "holy shit, what was I thinking?".  Sadly, I have these reality checks way too often. I have had so many thoughts racing from the front to the back of my head about basically anything and everyone one can think of.  Whether it be my future, my friends, my college career, entering the real world, boys.  Anything that one can stress or think about has been in my head.  Recently, I have accepted the idea that no matter  how well I feel I am doing in a class, I can always do better.  School has never come easy for me and no matter how hard I work, only on a rare special occasion do I receive the grade I believe I truly deserve.  I have applied to another university to possibly transfer to this fall for my what would be my junior year of college.  Crazy to sit here and think in just two weeks when I complete my last final I will be an "upper college class man". I have realized that even though I did apply to this university and even though it is more respected than the university I currently attend, I cannot see myself there.  I have created my own niche at my college and I can't imagine leaving it.  Several of my friends are transferring and even moving out of state.  I don't feel as if I am ready yet.  I have just become so comfortable in my room in my apartment after decorating it with notes and pictures and posters over the last 10 months, and I am so sad to leave it.  Although I am moving into the apartments right in front of me, I am sad that I am going to have to sit and create yet again, a whole new life.  I had my reality check about the fact that as much as I would love to be at this other university, I applied to shut my parents up.  They went to that college and of course they want was is best for me but...to me...what is best for me is staying right where I am. With the people who let me be me, and professors who accept me and help me with my disabilities.  I wouldn't want it any other way.  A diploma is a diploma, and no matter where I get mine from...I still completed college and pretty damn well in order to receive that little piece of paper.